“So I Was Minding My Own Business when…” is arguably the only effective way to begin a personal anecdote. If you do not begin such a story with this introductory sentence, your retelling of an event is hereby deemed futile and boring. Why is this? It’s simple: uninteresting things happen to people who don’t mind their own business. In fact, even if you are a nosy person you should use this phrase so as not to draw attention to this flaw.

If you’re ever sitting alone in front of your computer on a Friday night and you wish you be entertained by the antics of perfect strangers, just Google this phrase. Here are some of the things you’ll come up with:

So, I was minding my own business [. . .] when all of a sudden I hear a banging at my door. Alright, no big deal…who could it be? Well, I answered the door and of course.. it was the babies daddy. Wonderful, now I have to put up with his stupid drama!

This story is AMAZING. I don’t often get to read about squawkings of unwed teenage American mothers who have run-ins with men they should’ve thought twice about before mating with, so this one truly astounds me. If you don’t wish to completely read through it, let me summarise. This woman’s ex-whatever comes to demand the return of some rubbish college ring and jacket that he supposedly lent her. She says she hasn’t got it and he loses his temper, resulting in her fetching her gun to drive him away. All whilst preggerz and teenaged!!

Don’t Use This Phrase If Your Story Sucks

BEWARE. Googling this phrase can yield one of two things: dumbasses and anime nerds.

Example!

So, I was minding my own business doing the porn site reviews I’ve been doing most of this week and everything was routine, everything was ordinary and somewhat mundane. I had a slight headache since I had a few hundred beers last night because a good friend of mine just came back to Panama after a year-and-a-half hiatus so I was in good spirits either way but things were going slow for a Friday when national hero [name omitted] sends me a message via Google Talk. ~

People review porno sites? Wasn’t pornography made to be looked at? A FEW HUNDRED BEERS? And I thought men lied about how many women they’ve been with. It all gets vastly uninteresting as a hideously long IM log is pasted with some back-and-forth in Spanish and English about Snakes on a Plane. Wow. I have to tell you all.. even though this is my blog and I can write about whatever strikes mah fancy, I feel some semblance of committment to posting something that is at least half-interesting to read. Well, at least ONE-FOURTH interesting to read. Which gives me an idea. I should make a list of things people should never write blog entries about.

Another day, another day.

Thesis: The predominance of the phrase “So I Was Minding My Own Business When…” is most rampant amongst the socially-impaired (henceforth referred to as “losers”) in effort to concoct a situation in which it appears that they have business to mind, when they really do not. After all, one cannot have “business” to attend to if they bask in the glow of the monitor memorising the dialogue to undubbed episodes of Naruto.

Tidbits to support said claim:

ok so i was minding my own business watching attack of the show on G4tv, and i was hit with joy when i heard the news ive been waiting for. …

Loser. G4 eats its young. Tech TV 4evs.

Okay so I was minding my own business when my friend starts telling me to read this manga that has similar tones as Death Note. …

Evidence number two.

So, I was minding my own business, checking out some of the tourist beauty-spots in Second Life and generally keeping a customised eye out for a dishonest …

Lolol, admit it, people used to go on Second Life until they realised it’s just a haven for people with Furry fetishes.

So i was minding my own business doing dailies on the sunwell island, I killed a sunfury elf on one of the ships and i get this: …

Sunwell Island? Rofl. This guy doesn’t even succeed at being a WoW loser.

… So I was minding my own business then Sasuke dragged me into the guys locker room with him and Kankuro locked us in. …

This excerpt is from a Naruto fanfiction. All I can say is: disturbing and grammatically incomprehensive.

So, I was minding my own business when… I saw a strange Anime called Dead Leaves. It was a preview I found in the third disc of Ghost in …

Agh!

Okay, that’s enough.

My dad came back from South Africa today and he bought me a lovely silk shawl that makes me feel like I’m a fancy lady, but more importantly? He brought a stone sculpture of none other than an AMAZING HIPPO. As well as some other creepy sculptures of African heads. I’m kind of scared of them, tbh. They look like props you see in adventure films that contain voodoo spirits within them and stuff.

If you’re clicking this, it’s probably because of one of three things:

1. You notice that I’m Dragon-ranked.

2. You notice the title of this blog post from my RSS sig.

3. You read the description in my RSS sig and are as in love with hippos as I am.

Frankly, I just don’t have the time for RSBANDB anymore in the capacities of moderating. The community is great, but my interest in the game itself has dwindled considerably now that I’m busy with other things. No, it’s not a “chore” to come to the forums. I just rather be your peer than your moderator. It’s a better fit with my schedule. So, I’m leaving the moderator rank but staying as a member.

It was an awesome two and a half years.