I’m having issues.
Like..real-life ones. So, if you’re not into real-life issues, read my bit below about the blonde keyboard or something. Okay, so I’ve been friends with a friend of mine (let’s call her Paulina) for about three years. She’s always been a smart person who helped me out with my maths coursework in college..overall very bright. Her fatal flaw is that she’s a complete dimwit. Do you know the type? The type that is amazingly gifted in academics, but doesn’t know a damned thing about taking care of themselves?
So Paulina got married when she was 18 (she’s a few months younger than I am) and her parents were furious– rightfully so. Her father nearly disowns her over the whole matter and she moves away with this man. She moves very very far away and is dependent on her husband’s income. Her husband is away a lot on business, but is overall a good person who loves her a lot. He has a very demanding job where he’s actually risking bodily injury everyday. While he was away (he’s gone sometimes for 6+ months), she gloats about how she wants to have a baby with him and I tell her that she’s crazy. I mean, she’s crazy, is she not? Having a child one year after getting married and having the husband gone? A few weeks later…
The story gets more interesting. Paulina’s husband is away and all is well. She’s a little lonely, but has made friends in the neighbourhood. Paulina’s friends, unfortunately, are dumber than bread and they wag their tongues constantly as if they’d accidentally swallow them if they stopped. Paulina cheats on her husband. She kisses another guy who is the friend of one of these girls. A few weeks go by and Paulina realises that she’s very unhappy with her marriage, so she sleeps with said guy.
She rings up her husband and tells him that she wants a divorce without telling him what happened. He arranges to come home, and will be there within the month (has to finish up duties required of him). She phones me up telling me how “inconvenient” it is of him to come home and how he has “added to the drama” in her life. Now when you have a friend of three years, it’s hard to tell them the truth. I did it though and I lost that friend to-day. What did I tell her that was so wrong? I told her that what she did was shameful, that the guy that she broke her marriage vows with doesn’t love her, and that her self-pity is frankly infuriating. I also told her that because I care about her, I decided to tell her what I thought. Since she did ask, after all.
So Paulina doesn’t want to be my friend after this and I’m writing this to you all for no reason other than the fact that since she’s told me that, I haven’t been able to be of much use for anything else.
Tags: Miscellaneous |
November 10th, 2007 at 1:24 am
Huh. “Paulina” does sound a bit of a whackjob, :\ …
November 10th, 2007 at 8:35 am
Well at least you were truthful towards her and you told her that she did the complete wrong friend. I think being honest towards ANYONE is better than just lying to your friend to make them feel better.
You may have lost her as a friend…but she moved far away so you don’t even get to see her.
November 10th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Like Tj said above, it’s best that you told her the truth than lying, because if anything your words may have struck home somewhere deep inside her and who knows, she may end up seeing who she really is and trying to correct herself. And when that happens, she’ll know who her real friend was who told her what was right and tried to help her. If she doesn’t though, it’ll be good to know that at least you tried to persuade her to do the right thing.
November 10th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
From my point of view, your friend has a lack of self control. this results in an impulsive nature. Now that isn’t necessarily a terrible thing, but in this day and age of distractions and desires that come so easily it is extremely dangerous and detrimental. Let me just say also that just because your friend has academic capabilities doesn’t mean those capabilities have any bearing on her day to day life. It is true that most of the smart people I know do protect their minds in life better, but this is not the case with your friend.
Actually, quite frankly, I’m more surprised that A) she has stuck with him and B) he has that much self control. I mean to be a guy and be away from your wife for months at a time, without cheating on your wife…that takes a lot of self control…probably even more than I have. Also, if she is really this impulsive (gets married at 18, gets lonely and justs starts cheating) then she really isn’t a good match for his job. I feel sorry for the guy in this situation.
So lets see, where am I going with this. It seems to me that your friend or ex-friend as the case may be is one of those people in life that got everything they wanted as a kid. She is used to instant gratification. The newest idea that seems interesting she wants. When she was talking about this “baby” did she describe all the late nights she’d have to be up with it screaming, or maybe the changing of the diapers, or maybe when it grew to be four years old it would strip all its close off and start running around the bank naked (true story one of my brothers did that as a toddler). The fact is your friend doesn’t stop and consider the consequences of her actions. This is why she is impulsive. She likes the benefits, the free sex she can have with her husband, the emotional highs, the sharing of secrets,…etc…all that. But she doesn’t consider the lows, the months of loneliness, the lack of time with him,…etc…
So basically, unless she become a more mature person that can deal with the negative aspects of life…I don’t see this resolving itself well. With that sort of a nature, she will always feel cheated. She needs the rush, the high of life (or so it appears to me anyway, I could be wrong I don’t know this person personally). Life isn’t like that, you have to take the highs with the lows. Sometimes you have to deal with depression and things not going your way, that is life. A mature person understand this and embraces it. Your friend just tries to avoid it, when she is lonely, apparently she goes to parties or finds someone new.
So what can you do about it? We’ll at least you planted the seed that this might, possibly, just maybe be her fault. As far as I’m concerned. You might as well call up that guy and let him know all this has been happening. It appears, he has been the faithful one in this relationship and he shouldn’t be punished by all her friends being silent while she lies to him, when she inevitably changes her mind. What will happen to your friend? Well I imagine she will go through marriage or living situation (since people don’t really get married these days) after living situation until one day she realizes that life is hard and you have to deal with the hard times without throwing a conniption fit every single time. Or maybe that moment will never come and she will be a bitter 60 year old woman who hates the world and is dieing of AIDS I don’t know which is more likely. Hopefully the seed you planted will cause her to reconsider her actions and change, but in my experience, that is rarely the case.
As far as your actions…you did the right thing. I can’t see how as a friend, you could have justified any other actions than telling the truth. Of course, she hates you now for it, or she hates you because you now represent a manifestation of a low in her life and this she must strike you from her mind. Still what are you going to do. I’d just go on and not have any further interaction with her until she initiates it. You can’t bare other peoples sins, only your own, if you try, you will just become depressed and hate the world (been there done that got the T-shirt). Focus on your own problems and correcting them, I’m sure those are work enough. Don’t beat yourself up for what someone else did. Let her and her husband hammer this out.
Hopefully today will be a better day.
November 10th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
I would have written what Christopher wrote had I felt like making such a nice long post.
GO MQ!
November 10th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
I like nice long posts…
Christopher
November 11th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Thanks so much, guys. I reread that post I made just now and I feel sort of embarrassed for writing it.
Anyway, yeah, I did come to the same conclusion that you all were talking about.. I know I did the right thing, but it still wasn’t the easy thing. Thanks again, and I’ll write a non-dramatic post tomorrow. 
November 11th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Holy shit I’m not reading that long comment, but to look smart I’m going to act as if I did.
*acts*
And as far as what you did MQ, you’ve done nothing wrong. It was in your reach to tell your friend the truth, and whether they choose to accept it or not is up to them, you’re not a bad person.
Some people just tend to deny truth, when they know it’s true. Who wouldn’t really? It’s our human instinct to create our own perfect bubble dome world where we can live happily ever after.
Sometimes that bubble just needs to be popped, and you were right to do that.