Five New Jagex Random Events!

When the macroing gets tough, the Jagex get random event-ing. Alright, bad play on words. That line of 20 macroers behind the Lumbridge castle? The woodcutters at the Draynor willows? No more! I have come up with the solution: Even MORE random events! They’re not just any random event though. These events will require the thought and intelligence of the mind. Take that, you stupid autoers!

• The Crazed Scientist and the Word Filter: In this event, the player helps the mad scientist by deducing the meaning of several phrases that are obscured by the word filter. For example, “******* **** *****!!!!” would be solved as “Fucking shit phone!!!!” The player would type in the correct answer to receive his/her prize: boots.
• Evil Genie: This is no ordinary generous genie. He is the evil twin brother of the Genie himself! In this event, you are teleported to the mysterious land of Xegaf where you must correctly identify which Jagex employee would successfully win a round of paintball against a pure, a noob and a ch00b. Prize? 25 shiny gold points.
• Thessalia’s Fashion Fiasco: Thessalia has picked up a young orphaned princess off the street and is now fixing her up for her wedding ceremony to her arranged husband (aka “The Ball”). The skin tone and hair colour will be random for each instance of the event and the player will have to determine which season her skin tone is and which clothing will compliment her complexion. Those who can properly identify her skin tone (winter, autumn, summer, or spring) along with dressing her appropriately will receive a poisoned kebab.
• The Four Drunken Dwarfs of the Apocalypse: The player is teleported to an empty bar..it seems to be empty.. oh wait, what’s that behind the bar? Four mangy drunken dwarfs! You must keep the dwarfs calm by feeding one of them food (famine), killing one (war), curing the other (pestilence), and promising to kiss the ugly step-sister of the other (death). The catch is: you must feed the first dwarf 60 shark, kill the level 220 war dwarf, cure yourself of the infectious poison that the pestilence dwarf passes to you, and successfully give the ugly step-sister a son. This may seem like a long event, but 30 minutes of your time is hardly a price to pay. Your prize? Purple sweets.
• The H.A.M Poetry Jam: During this event, you are teleported to the most secret part of the H.A.M lair! You notice several H.A.M members milling about around a stool set on a stage. They’re beckoning you to sit down and recite a poem! For this event, you must successfully compose a simple ABAB rhyming poem in which the first line ends in “orange” and the second line ends in “purple”. Should you manage to find a word which rhymes with “orange” and “purple”, you will be awarded a H.A.M cloak. Fancy!

I sincerely think that this will cut down on the number of macroes, poorly dressed players, and bad poets on Runescape. Did I forget to mention? These randoms would happen every 30-45 minutes. Enjoy fair gaming, guys!